A Brief Review

It has been awhile since I have written a blog post. The last post I wrote was, A Reflection of Time in Acute Inpatient, which I went over the month I stayed in an acute inpatient ward, and how I came to be there.

Since then, I took a bit more time off of work, before throwing myself back into a busy, crazy life… all over again.

. . .

Before I knew it, I was finishing off the work/school year, and Summer had arrived.
With a lot of thought I decided I would take the summer off, to try to focus on myself.
The summer had a lot of unexpected decisions. First, my partner and I decided that with our lease being up in August, we would start to look for a new place. Then her sister decided to move down here for school, so we decided to find a place for the 3 of us. With a short notice, we looked quickly to find a new place, and with a few weeks to spare we found a beautiful, new place that would suite us so well.
August first came, as we moved–and boy, did we ever. A whole 17 hours later, we had finally started to settle into our new apartment.

As September approached, I decided not to go back to school, and to not go back to work, so I could focus on my mental health: finishing with DBT, and figuring out more about the Eating Disorder Program I may be entering.
Deciding to not go back to school or work this year was a very hard decision. I felt like I was moving backwards rather than forwards. I have always either been in school, or have been working– to not be doing anything felt overwhelming. Strange, I know, but to be doing nothing other than focusing on myself (which I hate) felt like more work, than trying to balance everything else…

. . .

As of now, I have finished the 18 month DBT program, and still waiting to find out if I am still on the waiting list for the Eating Disorder Program.
Although, I have realized I needed the time for myself, rather than juggling homework, classes, and work shifts; Both of the programs are hard to accept.
It took me a long time while in DBT to accept I needed the help, and even to come to the conclusion that I have an ED; so to end that connection was hard (more on that later).
With the ED Program, I am still waiting to hear if I am on the wait list still, and if/when I will be entering the program. With the distance, and program restrictions/rules, it is making it hard to even think about going. I know it of course, would be beneficial, but it’s hard of course to let go of comfort–as I have always had a bad relationship with food, and to confront that is, again, of course…scary.

. . .

I am at least thankful for the small transition I have been given. I have been attending a group (at the same hospital as the DBT Program) called, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), while I wait to hear from the ED Program.
It is an 8 week program attending to accepting change, and committing to life. Since it is almost Christmas, we are on break until the New Year– allowing time for me to finally write– something at least.

. . .

I’m hoping to write more before the New Year; talking about ending DBT, and to write a final blog post of 2018.

Until next time,

~ S.J.